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Lawyer Joke: 1
A lawyer returns to his parked BMW to find the headlights broken and his front bumper smashed. There's no sign of the offending vehicle, but he's relieved to see that there's a note stuck under the windshield wiper. The lawyer picks up the note.

"Sorry. I just backed into your Beemer. The witnesses who saw the accident are nodding and smiling at me because they think I'm leaving my name, address and other particulars. But I'm not."


Lawyer Joke: 2
A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The rancher's prize bull was missing from the section through which the railroad passed. The rancher only wanted to be paid the fair value of the bull.

The case was scheduled to be tried before the justice of the peace in the back room of the general store. The city-slicker attorney for the railroad immediately cornered the rancher and tried to get him to settle out of court.

He did his best selling job, and finally the rancher agreed to take half of what he was asking.

After the rancher had signed the release and took the check, the young lawyer couldn't resist gloating a little over his success, telling the rancher, "You are really a country hick, old man, but I put one over on you in there. I couldn't have won the case. The engineer was asleep and the fireman was in the caboose when the train went through your ranch that morning. I didn't have one witness to put on the stand. I bluffed you!"

The old rancher replied, "Well, I'll tell you young feller, I was a little worried about winning that case myself, because that durned bull came home this morning."


Lawyer Joke: 3
Mr. Schneider stood up in court. "As God is my judge, I do not owe my ex-wife any money." Glaring down at him, the judge replied, "He's not. I am. You do."


Lawyer Joke: 4
The following is a courtroom exchange between a defense attorney and a farmer with a bodily injury claim. It came from a Houston, Texas insurance agent.

Attorney: "At the scene of the accident, did you tell the constable you had never felt better in your life?"

Farmer: "That's right."

Attorney: "Well, then, how is it that you are now claiming you were seriously injured when my client's auto hit your wagon?"

Farmer: "When the constable arrived, he went over to my horse, who had a broken leg, and shot him. Then he went over to Rover, my dog, who was all banged up, and shot him. When he asked me how I felt, I just thought under the circumstances, it was a wise choice of words to say I've never felt better in my life.


Lawyer Joke: 5
Two attorneys went into a diner and ordered two drinks. Then they produced sandwiches from their briefcases and started to eat. The owner became quite concerned and marched over and told them, "You can't eat your own sandwiches in here!"

The attorneys looked at each other, shrugged their shoulders and then exchanged sandwiches.





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